20
December

A Reflection on 2011

Victoria

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!

We kicked off the first of 2011 by celebrating my 40th birthday with a trip down to Providence for a long awaited travelling Broadway show of In the Heights. I love theater and was very moved by the production. The set was amazing with its high rise apartment buildings where actors danced athletically up and down fire escape ladders and leaned out over the railings. Needless to say, the music – in content and composition – was inspiring.

Jessa decorating "The Peace Place"

In retrospect, it all comes flooding back that the first half of the year was truly rough with poor Jessa suffering from a longstanding rash that turned out to be community-acquired MRSA, a disturbingly common skin infection. On top of that, she had a whole body allergic reaction to the antibiotic that was prescribed for her. There were months of itchy sleepless nights, missed days of school, and multiple trips to specialists. Jessa amazed us by keeping up with her studies and staying close to her teachers and classmates. Finally, the MRSA cleared and the sparkle returned to her eyes! And they still outshine the new sparkle that now adorns her ears as we brought her to have them pierced last spring.

One quiet day at home, she created a cozy reading nook in her room that she calls “The Peace Place.” There’s something about Jessa that makes her seem older than her age to me - and it has less to do with pierced ears than an early awareness of and interest in adult life. Last August, on her 7th birthday, I asked her how old she felt and she said, nineteen. I’d say that’s about right.

By the way, when Jessa came to a new understanding (shhhh) about Santa Claus, we congratulated her on her discovery and quickly inducted her into our Giving Club. She now gets to hold the mystery for others, help with the gifts, and choose a charity to which the club can donate during family gatherings. This has been a wonderful transition for her and proved to transform any sad feelings about the discovery into joy for a whole new world of giving.

Will sculpture surfing in Portland, Maine

Early in the year, Will developed an intense interest in drawing and would draw detailed pictures for everyone as special presents. His focus for drawing, and other detail work, is remarkable. Will remains very well-coordinated, interested in most sports, and he fell in love with tennis last summer. When he wasn’t on the court, he was hitting balls against the garage and, sometimes, over the house just for fun. This year, Will lost his first two teeth after waiting a long, long time, watching his big sister enjoy her mysterious visits from the Tooth Fairy. The biggest change for him was graduating from preschool and transitioning into a full day of kindergarten last fall. This is a huge transition from the days of being with me all the time, going places on a whim. We are surely all experiencing an entirely new stage of life now.

Soaking up the good vibes of the Reiki table

I taught my first series of yoga classes over the summer, and during the fall, at Rasamaya Dover and absolutely loved it. I expect that I’ll continue to teach when I can, but I’m finding life to be rather full at the moment with work and home projects. Meantime, I contribute to Rasamaya’s online magazine, Embody, when I get a chance. Last winter, I also became a Reiki Master Teacher and saw my first Reiki client outside of the family. I received great feedback about the experience and the hour passed in what seemed like five minutes. I was flooded with intuitive messages, clairsentient sensations, and the ability to feel (and hopefully transmit) energy quite strongly through my hands. Matt and I both share an interest in energy healing and he really has a gift in transmitting energy through his hands; for when he practices Reiki, his hands heat up within seconds.

Matt at Fort Constitution, New Castle

Matt continues to chair the green committee at Newmarket and is introducing the first large-scale zero waste contract in the state. In addition to his duties there, he blogs for Environmental Leader, Triple Pundit, and his own site, The Natural Strategy. He also became the vice-president of the board for the Granite State Zoo, providing advice on sustainability, which means that in addition to serious business he gets to socialize wild animals, such as a baby bobcat, for the travelling educational program. We celebrated Matt’s 40th birthday with a trip to Florida for my Grandmother and Aunt’s birthdays as well. Sunshine and scorpios all around!

Julia Knight Goodall

With great excitement, we welcomed the newest little scorpio: My sister’s beautiful baby – and my god-daughter - Julia Knight Goodall, was born on October 29th. We are celebrating the holidays all together at my parents’ house with the cousins, and everyone else, joyfully reunited!

I’d been thinking about going back to work in a full-time capacity for quite a while when, one day last spring, I brought Jessa and Will to a party at an indoor kids gym and sat down to work on article I was writing. A woman came over and sat down near me to do some work on her Blackberry. We laughed at ourselves for working during a party and then started chatting. She found out that I was a freelance writer and I found out that she was working on a job description for a writer. So I applied to and interviewed for the job, and am now delighted to be working as a staff writer for the College of Life Sciences and Agriculture at UNH.

Enjoying a special treat in Biddeford, Maine

I guess all summer I had a sense that it might be the last one during which I’d be a stay-at-home mom, so I did my best to enjoy every moment of it. As usual, we spent a couple of weeks with Martin and Ingrid on the coast of Maine in Biddeford, enjoying lobster and daily kaffetrinken with them, Romi, Liz, TJ, and Abbie. Back in NH, there were many lazy days on the beach with friends, interspersed with frequent fighting between our kids, which was surely a manifestation of their nervousness about big changes like starting kindergarten and second grade and my returning to work in a full-time capacity. All of that, thankfully, disappeared after a couple of weeks into the school year and I am so grateful that, ultimately, the changes have been most beneficial for all of us.

Appreciating one another at the Christmas tree farm

So, here’s to continued health and happiness in 2012 for everyone. We’re ringing in a year that portends an expansion of consciousness and that sounds good to us . . . more love and light for all!

 

 

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23
September

Guided Imagery

On the eve of starting a new job, I had a deeply disturbing dream. I was squatting down naked, with my legs at right angles, before my seven-year-old daughter and five-year-old son. As I held each of their shoulders with my outstretched hands in a ceremonial fashion, my wetness increased until I was dripping on the floor. Even though I hadn’t had the sense of sexual arousal, I awoke in a sweat confused by the message that I might subconsciously see my children as the objects of my desire.

StormI had been a stay-at-home mom, working part-time for the past seven years. This transition to full-time work required an adjustment for the entire family. We were all concerned about spending long hours apart from one another. For the first couple of days, my son cried that his time away was too much. On both the third and fourth day, I was weepy from missing them and attempting to ignore the fear, shame, and guilt I felt over my unsettling dream.

Finally, I had a chance to take a bike ride during my lunch break. As so often happens, this provided me with a great opportunity to quiet my mind and reach out to my guides. I asked for help inIxchel on the island understanding the meaning of this dream. The response was immediate, as if they had been waiting for me to just ask. A flood of compassion and a flurry of images made it clear: the dream had been a tremendous gift. My inner eyes were opened to a whole host of ancient goddess archetypes – joyously squatting down to birth new life, ushering forth new beginnings, opening a portal to new worlds. There I had been, ceremoniously connecting with my most beloved creations, whom my partner and I had called forth to join our family at the time of conception. I had been appreciating both of them in ritual fashion as I moved on to creating new possibilities for myself and my family.

Later, with gratitude for the lucidity of this communication, I asked my guides if I would be able to rise to this new challenge and keep creating well. Their answer was “continuously.”

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8
August

The Erotic Endures

I find the erotic such a kernel within myself. When released from its intense and constrained pellet, it flows through and colors my life with a kind of energy that heightens and sensitizes and strengthens all my experience. – Audre Lorde

My grandmother was a yogini before it was culturally acceptable in the West. And when she injured her back doing the plow well into her golden years, her doctor sternly told her to give up yoga. She didn’t listen, of course, and soon discovered that she could bring her foot behind her head.

For my grandmother’s 80th birthday, my sister and I joined her on a beach vacation and, to our delight, found ourselves in a funny, open dialogue about sex one night. She lay on the big hotel bed between us and giggled like one of the girls, but she rolled her eyes and shook her head, too, waving off some of our more daring questions about the details of what it’s like to have sex for a woman her age. The conversation deepened when we examined aspects of intimacy and the erotic as tantamount to sexuality.

old bathing garb woman in poolTen years later, again on vacation at the beach, we celebrated my grandmother’s 90th birthday. She has never been demure and, one evening when I asked to see her scar from a recent abdominal surgery, she enthusiastically whipped open her bathrobe . . . for a long time. There she was, all 85 pounds of her: once rotund, now inconceivably diminutive; her hairless skin draped over taut muscle, a harbinger of my own transformation. It was mind-boggling to think she had given birth to my robust father. Before me was a mere slip of a girl who had no body fat and was unable to go further than knee-deep in the ocean, for if she lost her balance, she would be tossed about violently and sink like a pebble. With her permission, I ran my fingers along her silky red scar, warm to my touch.

Echoes of her declaration a decade earlier, “Sex is for the young,” ran through my mind as I took in the details of her diminished, yet vital body. Her once buoyant breasts were empty of the adipose tissue that had shaped them in her youth; depleted of the glands that plumped them with milk during her child-bearing years, but still soft and feminine as they lay thinly against her stark ribs. Her mons was as bare as a prepubescent girl’s and I thought about what it must have been like to find the first of an increasing number of gray hairs. And then accept the eventual loss of them all.

How does a woman let go of her deeply internalized sexualized body? How does a wildish woman let go of the erotic body she only begins to inhabit from within, if she is so boldly creative, sometime later in adulthood? There is little time to mourn the loss of this very specific type of pleasure that is only on brief loan to us. The silent advice that accompanied my recollection of my grandmother’s belief about sex being for the young and her ever diminishing body is enjoy now, enjoy now, enjoy now. Turn no pleasure away. But, doesn’t that suggestion simply reflect the grasping attachment I have of my own changing body?

I, clearly, struggle with impermanence. Loving detachment is the lifelong work of a yogini. But now I digress in my search for something that lasts: What I don’t think we need part with, ever, is our sense of the erotic.

End of days

Back at the beach in the evening, I swam out into the dark ocean and peeled off my bathing suit, wrapping it around my ankle, to undulate naked with the waves. The sensation of the tepid, salty water on my bare skin, swirling all around me, was incomparably luxurious. My questions that arose from our earlier conversation about the changing nature of sexuality swirled in the surf, all culminating in the importance of waking up to the perfection of this moment and appreciating all it contains. I cannot always conjure up the sexual situation I desire and be instantly gratified, but that misses the point. I can welcome in the exquisite sensuality in each moment of life – from skinny dipping to sex to simply finding a comfortable spot to be still a while – and accept the blessing of the erotic everywhere.

 

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18
July

Reclaiming Wholeness: Yoga for the Traumatized Body

This article has been cross-posted on Embody, the official on-line magazine of Rasamaya Movement Center.

I have been asked to teach a yoga class to an international group of women war survivors visiting the US as part of a program in conflict resolution at a private educational institution. Having long been interested in yoga for the traumatized body, I am planning to complete training through coursework developed by staff of the Trauma Center at the Justice Resource Institute in Boston that will now be offered only through Kripalu.

PORTRAYAL OF SILENCEThat said, I am currently prepared to lead these women in a session of gentle yoga, being mindful of the fact that some of those with Muslim backgrounds have been cautioned against practicing yoga at all. I think I would serve them best by keeping the focus on the presence of our emotions in the physical body; omitting specific information about chakras and rasas; and using English, rather than Sanskrit, terms for the asanas during the class.

Knowing that the atrocities women suffer in war torn countries almost always involve systematic rape, I immediately thought of building a class that focuses on the sacral chakra. And then it occurred to me that I was looking at their experience, of which I truly can have no clear understanding, through the lens of Western society. Woman talking about the activities of her catholic communityMost of these women come from cultures in which the bonds of friendship between women are far deeper and richer than those many of us experience here in the US. And while sexual assault is deeply disruptive to the sacral chakra, the act of rape – with its origins in violent control and power over another – impacts so much more than the watery element of our interpersonal relationships, specifically regarding sexuality.

I suspect that spending an hour opening and energizing the second chakra may not be as strengthening as a focus on the third chakra, Manipura, that which governs our will. Women who have experienced a collective assault on the community need each other for strength. They have kept the energy flowing in the sacral chakra by necessity, relying on their community for mere survival. And in this prolonged state of fight or flight, they have likely been separated from the wholeness of body, mind, and spirit. I would like to shine light on their incredible strength of the physical body and the will and the spirit that endures.

ChantalAnd while I would like this yoga class to be a healing experience, I am very well aware that it is also simply a yoga class. The healing these women receive comes from within, only inspired by those who provide emotional support, education, and resources beyond what is available in their own communities. I will do my best to create a safe space, provide clear directions to a group of people for whom English is not a primary language, and foster a moment in time for them to gently reconnect with their own bodies, minds, and spirits.

I am profoundly grateful for my training as a Reiki Master, abiding in the knowledge that my intention is paramount here. And so it is with yoga that I open to the possibilities of what may come from leading these women in a session developed with a loving heart and with their “highest and best” in mind.

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3
July

Cottage Place on Squam Lake: It’s a Family Tradition

“I feel like everything I’ve done in my life has lead to this,” says Sue Smith about her role as proprietor of Cottage Place on Squam Lake in Holderness. She introduces me to her mom, Beverly, with whom she purchased the property in 2002. “People say I look just like my dad,” Sue says adjusting the collar of her crisp jade shirt. “And then they say, your mom is so beautiful,” she laughs and it’s obvious that her sense of humor is only complemented by her natural beauty and casual elegance. In fact, these very qualities are adeptly reflected in this business she’s developed from her brave heart and a wellspring of energy. So when Beverly says, “I can’t think of anybody who could do a better job than Sue,” it is not just the words of a proud mother. She’s a business partner that calculated her risks on an ambitious daughter and discovered the personable entrepreneur who would double the business.

With her ability to manifest a dream, Sue has transformed Cottage Place since the moment she determined to raise her three young children, then 4, 6, and 9, there as a single mom. Members of the community turned out in support to rake, paint, and move furniture testifying to the importance of small town connections. “I don’t think we’ve lost that in this area,” Sue says about the dedication to one another she’s experienced in her neighborhood. As a teen, she began working for Alex Ray and Diane Downing at the original Common Man Restaurant in Ashland, eventually managing the company store. “Aside from my parents, I attribute my affiliation with them to have given me the courage it takes to run a place like this.” As a savvy business owner herself, she’s made a conscious decision to employ local laborers, artisans, and resource providers. The nearby hardware store now calls the paint that provides a calming fern hue to many of her property’s interior walls “Cottage Place Green.”

As a visionary who sees the potential in everything, Sue recognized the solid bones of this compound designed and built in 1957 by Milton Graton, known for his exquisite covered bridges – one of which spans nearby Squam River. Quaint front porches with red Adirondack chairs welcome guests into the seven immaculate, private cottages ranging in size from studios to two bedrooms. Each unit in this housekeeping facility offers the convenience and comfort of a full kitchen and bathroom. For the cooler months there are new Rinnai heaters in every cottage, several of which have charming fireplaces in their living rooms, and you’ll always find a pretty braided or hand hooked rug underfoot. In the height of summer, the two-bedroom cottage suites provide air-conditioning and those located on the upper deck boast unobstructed views of the lake.

Throughout the property, there is cable TV and wireless internet access. Décor includes Waverly floral fabrics in pinks and greens, antique plates displayed on the walls, ornate cuckoo clocks, and framed cross-stitch samplers celebrating the simple life. Sue’s father Norm even gave her his prized 10-point buck trophy head to overlook the field stone fireplace in the spacious lofted living room of the six-bedroom lodge. And a replica of his 12-pound landlocked salmon hangs above the brick faced fireplace at the Cottage Goods coffee shop adjacent to the front desk. For sale are sundries and mementos, from local honey, jams, and the signature Nutty Granola of the nearby Holderness General Store to handmade scarves, plush stuffed animals, board games, silver jewelry, and much more.

Sue brings me out for a tour of the grounds on this sunny March day and describes how she uncovered old world roses in the overgrown gardens and replaced railroad ties with dry stone walls her cousin Billy helped create, in part, with rocks from her family’s farmhouse on Mount Prospect. In my mind’s eye, the common garden around the fire pit pops with the colors of well-tended perennials.  Later my family and I will make s’mores here as the full moon rises over the frozen lake, but in just a few months this area will be shaded by the full canopy of a tall birch, while lush fuchsia peonies, big as saucers, scent the evening air. A row of cheery day lilies curves around the lupines, hosta, and the showy purple blooms that Sue’s mom, an avid gardener, says are “vintage irises to treasure and keep alive.” Across the road, oversized geraniums in urns flank the white arch between stone walls, welcoming guests onto the 140-foot private sandy beach overlooking Evans Cove with ample seating in Adirondack chairs.

“The beach is the real reason people come back time and again,” Sue says overlooking the water where guests can rent kayaks or jump off the floating raft. She’s been swimming in this cool, clear water since she was a child when her aunt and uncle managed the property for previous owners. Now she has the pleasure of being a part of the reason customers return and remarks, “We’ve actually had kids who came here as teenagers who now come with their own families.”

With a master’s of education in guidance and counseling, Sue is the creative genius behind the popular Family Adventure Package that emphasizes time together sharing memories.  She says, “People have so many choices and limited resources. If you’re going to take the time to go away, you want to take something away from that experience.” With that philosophy, Sue offers guests something different in the innovative Couples Adventure Package that sparks caring conversation and playful ways to reconnect. She’s quite familiar with the needs of her most satisfied guests and knows that “they want the vintage feeling of a lake home . . . it’s simple.”  By providing her customers with what they want, Sue ensures that Cottage Place will be a family tradition for generations to come.

Cottage Place on Squam Lake was published by New Hampshire ToDo Magazine.

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16
June

Three Leaves a Day: Alternative Sources of Calcium

Recently, my mother-in-law expressed worry over the fact that we virtually eliminated milk from our school-aged children’s diets at home. “But how will they get enough calcium?” she asked.

I can understand her concern.

CowThe American Association of Pediatrics recommends 500 milligrams of calcium a day for children aged 1 to 3, 800 milligrams a day for children aged 4 to 8, and 1,300 milligrams a day for 9 to 18-year-olds to build and maintain healthy bones. With aggressive marketing from the dairy industry, we are lead to believe that the most effective way to meet these needs is through drinking milk. Other powerful advertising makes us feel as if we require supplementation by consuming calcium fortified products, like orange juice, high in vitamin C known to increase calcium absorption.

However, research shows that this type of supplementation may actually be harmful to arterial health as extra calcium in the body finds places, like arteries, on which to deposit. Last year, Dr. Ian Reid and his colleagues from the University of Auckland reported in the British Medical Journal that “Among studies of patients with or at risk for osteoporosis, those who took calcium supplements were about 30% more likely to have an MI [myocardial infarction] than those who did not.”

Open wide!In general, calcium supplementation is not advised as people should meet their requirements through diet. But, what is the person with a sensitivity or allergy to milk to do? In my family, we have discovered that we and our children feel better, and have sweeter breath upon waking (an indication of healthy digestion), when not consuming cow or goat’s milk or other dairy products. Fortunately, there is a plethora of calcium rich alternatives available to us.

Knowing that our family eats a diet replete with ocean and leafy green land vegetables, black beans, and almonds, I assured my mother-in-law that our children would still grow strong and resilient bones through foods that build calcium stores as well as the collagen matrix.

P2111071My knowledge of nutrition and its impact on our health deepened during my training as a Whole Foods Chef at the Natural Gourmet Institute in Manhattan. One of the most interesting components of the program for me was learning various ways to prepare delectable sea vegetables. Some of my favorite recipes include the sweet and delicate arame strudel, garlicky hijiki “caviar” on oatmeal dulse crackers, apricot kanten made with agar-agar, and crunchy sweet and spicy nori strips.

I often have my own recipe of nurturing wakame-kale (or collard) soup as a calming energizer in the mid-afternoon if my energy flags. My children enjoy all of these foods, too, and with each bite they are receiving far more calcium, and other minerals, than three cups of milk a day. We don’t suffer the loss of dairy at home, either. In winter, we all enjoy a mug of steaming hot cocoa made with unsweetened almond milk, raw cocoa powder and stevia. And since my kids don’t show a true allergy to dairy, they occasionally enjoy milk products, like yogurt or ice cream, without the digestive upset they used to experience with habitual consumption.

collard greenSea vegetables are not easy to find for the traditional super-market shopper and can be rather expensive at health food stores. I have been ordering ours from Larch Hanson, the seaweed man, of Maine Seaweed for over a decade. At only $70, the family pack last us the whole year. And if you are, like my own mother, unable to stomach sea vegetables, then kale, collards and black beans are readily available and quite affordable for most families.

If you love milk and it makes you feel great, you are indeed a lucky individual. I hope that you will continue to enjoy it and perhaps even seek out a local (preferably raw) source to support. If you are looking for alternatives, the following chart offers a sampling of foods that outshine milk for our calcium needs. Hopefully this will help others with lactose intolerance or anyone looking to diversify their intake of essential vitamins and minerals.

Food (100 mg. or 3 1/2 ounce edible portions) Calcium in milligrams

hijiki                                                                                 1,400

wakame                                                                           1,300

kelp                                                                                  1,099

kombu                                                                             800

agar-agar                                                                        400

nori                                                                                  260

almonds                                                                          233

black beans                                                                    135

kale                                                                                 134

milk                                                                                  119

collard greens                                                                117

 

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10
June

The Big E: Orgasm that Leads to Enlightenment

This article is cross-posted on Embody, the official Rasamaya Movement Center blog.

Last Spring at the Yoga Journal Conference in Boston, I participated in Tantric and Kriya yoga master Alan Finger’s Sweat and Samadhi class. Alan sat in half-lotus and framed his belly with loving arms, calling himself the “Deluxe Version,” while his lithe partner, Sarah Platt-Finger, demonstrated some of the breathing techniques and more advanced asanas.

Toward the end of our session, Alan talked us through a series of pranayama, or breathing exercises, and cautioned us about their immense power. Finally, with a peaceful upward curvature of his lips, he led us into deep meditation, during which he walked around the room holding his hand over each of our heads. When he stood above me, I quietly gasped for breath as unmistakable waves of orgasmic energy left me trembling with tears rolling down my cheeks. It was similar to experiencing the most intense lovemaking that leaves you sobbing, without sorrow, though you cannot understand or articulate why.

Afterwards I was compelled to speak with him about the experience. I explained what I had felt and asked what had transpired. “It’s just energy,” he assured me with a gentle hand on my arm. “Let it flow,” he said with the lilt of his South African accent. He later explained how through his training since age 16, with a renowned set of international gurus, he had mastered the ability to transfer this energy through touch, look, or thought. Known as Shaktipat, or Śaktipāta in Sanskrit combining the words sakti (psychic energy) and pata (to fall), this transference of consciousness from guru to recipient is considered an act of grace and cannot be transmitted unless one is open to receive it. The act of imparting Shaktipat is an important factor in the initiation of the rise of Kundalini energy.

We are just scratching the surface of sexuality when we engage in physical sex. Add positive emotion to the mix and it heightens the experience immeasurably. Sure, there is a transference of energy as our auras coalesce, but what, exactly, is that ingredient that makes sex truly transcendent? A characteristic of Samadhi is when we cease to view life as dualistic. In lovemaking, I might liken that to the sensation of exquisite pleasure when all of your parts feel seamlessly mixed up with another’s and you can no longer tell who is entering and who is enveloping.

I once read an article about a Buddhist nun who left her devout practice because she came to understand that sex was one of the most important experiences in bringing her closer to enlightenment. She wrote of the realization that her partner embodied god and that, therefore, she was goddess. And this union through lovemaking on multiple levels elevated them both to higher consciousness.

Scientists have said that the fact we gain pleasure from sex is a function of encouraging us to reproduce. The more I consider this the more preposterous it seems. There are just way too many sexual options that feel good that don’t lead to conception. And that includes the experiences of masturbation and the sexuality of same sex partners. Perhaps, though, there is a scientific and spiritual link between the pleasure of sexuality and elevated consciousness, even Samadhi or enlightenment. If that is the case, I say it is worth investigating further, especially by gaining some first-hand knowledge.

 

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23
May

The Salacious Goddess

This article is cross-posted on Embody, the official Rasamaya online magazine.

Lately, I’ve been contemplating the Goddess Squat pose: Utkata Konasana. A powerful hip and heart opener, this standing posture has remarkable strength and symmetry. Yoga instructors often emphasize the power one draws up from the earth with feet firmly grounded and knees pressed wide. For any woman who was ever admonished to keep her legs together as a girl, this pose is a welcome antithesis to a prudish culture that prefers women to be alluring yet sexually discreet.

Perhaps the most ancient relic of the Goddess Squat pose is the Celtic goddess Sila na Geige. Representing both mother and crone, she is found on the stone thresholds of sacred sites throughout the British Isles. Though early Christianity threatened to eradicate her bawdy image, she survived — in her wide-legged squat, stretching her vulva open with a grin on her face. She is known as the “Mother of All,” and it is surmised that she is welcoming us through this portal to worlds beyond. In ancient goddess culture, sexuality was characterized by freedom and joy and pleasure for all in open, public ritual.

We tend to think of yoga, meaning “to unite,” as having its origins in 1800 B.C.E. at the time of the Upanishads, springing up from the Vedic system of ancient India. This region of the world was, and still is, deeply patriarchal, and a hierarchy between men and women was firmly in place. And yet, the spiritual focus of yoga always comes back to uniting the masculine and feminine energies — both of which are in every one of us — through the sexual union of various gods and goddesses.

Sometimes, the patriarchal interpretation of an ascetic yoga practice in order to reach moralistic purity can throw a solemn, heavy blanket over our joyful, pleasurable goddess nature. And that is why, I think, much focus on the Goddess Squat and similar asanas is about strength, power, and boundaries. Imagine a liberating practice, free from the need to protect oneself, simply focusing on the pleasure of movement and the inherent humor in our sexual expression.

class 2It has been said that everything in life is sexual. We are creative beings and, whether we create life or not, we are manifesting our thoughts into form in every moment. Sexuality is hard to define: It is a very personal experience and expression of the erotic. How we feel about our sexuality is shaped by the culture within which we develop and our feelings and thoughts about our own physical experience. Yoga, by bringing us into the present moment and fostering an awakened state, enables us to experience life erotically without the arbitrary parameters of our society, family, religion, etc. Yoga connects us with our bodies in the now, allowing us to transcend our stories in order to bring us beyond the gross, subtle, and causal to the true self. It is a vehicle for enlightenment.

And so is sexuality. Author Vicki Noble’s extensive anthropological research points to a much earlier invention of yoga than the Upanishads. Ancient sculpture, rock etchings, and other art depict asanas that date back to the 7th millenium B.C.E. Noble writes, “It’s the dynamic quality of ecstasy that especially seems to mark the female-centered yoga experience.” I like to think of the new world Sila na Geige calls us to enter, assuming her salacious Goddess Squat as one in which our experience of the erotic is free, joyous, uplifting, and, ultimately, whatever we desire to make it.

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3
April

A Couple of Steps Along the Eight-Limbed Path

Blueberries.It appears that March has been a wash. And the physical success of February is now balanced by the mental expansion of the past month. Part of the Rasamaya 90-Day Challenge involves a commitment to at least four yoga, barre, or core classes a week. I was doing fine until my six-year-old daughter came down with a particularly nasty cold that had us up in the night like the parents of a newborn, checking on her as she slept for what seemed like an endless week with a 103.5*F temperature. There were doctor’s visits and days when she could only manage to eat a small dish of frozen blueberries. She is doing much better now, but the lengthy virus has been cycling through each member of our household, preventing me from attending two straight weeks of classes.

Still, there may have been some weight loss as a result of my inactivity (so long for now, my hard won muscles) or for far more challenging reasons. In the middle of March, I had an appointment for a haircut. I was looking for a shoulder length bob to free up my long hair that curls nicely with summer’s humidity. I walked out of the salon stunned, lightened by more than ten inches, with an awkward puff that barely reached the bottom of my earlobes. This was the first peal of the temple bell calling me to become centered for meditation. And if the hair cut was the teacher, there were many sign posts along the way to help me comprehend the lesson.

Putting my hair into perspective, it was incredibly trivial. There was, of course, the devastating earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Victims of this natural disaster, who were interviewed afterwards, frequently referred to becoming more intensely aware of what is most important in life. When water unanchors tremendous buildings and sends cars down the street like pop cans before your eyes and, worst of all, disrupts love and life inexorably, you are called to suffer and practice detachment . . . or suffer immeasurably.

J. KrishnamurtiIn a Power Yoga class one Saturday morning, Damla Aktekin, an inspiring yoga teacher at the Rasamaya Movement Center in Dover, read a passage about Krishnamurti. He shared with his students his secret, saying “I don’t mind anything.” It is his alignment with all-that-is that allowed him to exist in peace and with gratitude. For various reasons, it was exactly what I needed to hear at the time.

And all month, I heard the echo of Rasamaya yoga teacher Angela Bowen’s gentle, supportive voice from the closing of Yoga Nidra, “Remember, you always have something to be grateful for.” It is with gratitude that I recognize these teachers who offered lessons that helped me to center myself during this time of global crisis, family illness, and a seemingly insignificant personal change that unearthed a pattern long enough for me to hold it under the microscope.

It is through the experience of yoga, from asanas to meditation, that I have come to a deeper understanding of my own attachments: to my children and my role as mother; to my community of family, friends, and beloved animals; to the plants in my garden I’ve been nurturing for years; to my lover and to my own body in its various stages of evolution and decline. All referred to as “mine,” measured thus to add value to the self.

When the asanas cannot be practiced for any particular reason, meditation is still available to us. It is what we prepare for by strengthening the body, improving flexibility, and controlling the breath: making the time to sit, breathe, and practice. Last week, I was well enough to attend the Tuesday night sangha at our local Buddhist retreat, Aryaloka. And during that session, I was able to detach from my perceptions and judgments and become aligned with what is, if only temporarily. It was a blessed relief. I’ve come to see the Challenge on a deeper level as another peal of the temple bell, calling upon me to take the necessary steps while remaining focused on that which is most important: ultimately, the alignment with what is and that is, simply, love.

Népal NepalI’m not sure what blessing month three – the final month – of the Challenge will bring, but I am open to whatever comes. Check back in at the end of April. Namaste!

 

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19
March

Breastfeeding: It’s Near and Dear to My Heart

Where else would it be?

Sure, I come from the pro perspective. When I was breastfeeding my children I felt as if my heart had melted into liquid gold that filled my breasts with a loving elixir. Enough waxing poetic: The controversy surrounding breastfeeding on the heels of Michelle Obama’s recent support of it as a way to reduce childhood obesity is more about money and sexuality than personal choice. It just feels all wound up in an egg-shell dance of whether or not you are stepping on another woman’s values.

DSC00409.JPGI feel suspicious when I read the tone behind Robin Schepper’s, Executive Director of Let’s Move, interview with Politics Daily: “[Mrs. Obama] is not telling women to breastfeed … but wants to make it easier for moms by encouraging hospitals to change practices so after a baby is born, the baby is in the room with them.” And Kristina Schake, Mrs. Obama’s Communications Chief, said “Breastfeeding is a very personal choice for every woman. We are trying to make it easier for those who choose to do it.” Why do we continue this delicate charade around breastfeeding in our politics and our social circles? It almost feels like breastfeeding is more taboo a topic than money or sex. Oh, yes, that’s because it’s all tangled up in both.

If, once a woman gave birth, she was financially incentivized to choose breastfeeding without losing any short or longterm monetary gain or status within her industry, would she say no? What if breastfeeding her baby led to a promotion and a higher salary? Say she could earn a cut of the government’s subsidy for the $4 billion dollar formula industry – that’s $16M from sales in Bangladesh alone. Imagine a woman waking to cuddle and nurse her infant in the morning knowing that she does not have to run off to work unless she prefers to do so, because she is financially and medically supported to engage in this life-promoting activity for the American Academy of Pediatrics recommended one to two years.

kirsten + ashar breastfeedingOn February 10, 2011, the Internal Revenue Service announced that people could use pre-tax flexible spending accounts to pay for breast pumps and other related nursing supplies. Considering people have been buying hearing aid batteries with their Flex Cards since the program’s inception, it’s about time. Literally. It takes time to breast feed a baby and you don’t always get to say when the letdown response happens. You can do your best, but nature is the force that trumps.

So, why is it so improbable to imagine this scenario – the government doing so much more to subsidize breastfeeding than simply offering a tax break on a breast pump – when we readily pay taxes to fund unscrupulous wars and the health management of those diseases that very well may be prevented by breastfeeding in the first place? Could we begin to value our golden-hued breast milk so resolutely that if it was available on the open market, it would be worth more than gold itself with its immune stimulating, anti-microbial, and anti-bacterial properties?

As I’ve said it is not a financial issue alone. What if our culture was a more earth-based, pro-woman one where lactating breasts were honored as the life-giving sustenance they are and not simply there to stimulate the sexual desires of those with the heaviest monetary and political clout? Well, that would change everything. Idealism aside, there is some very concrete data that shows women have a great deal of power when it comes to this issue, except they cannot wield it when they have to schlep back to work weeks after their babies are born in order to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table while the milk dries up.

FORMULA 2007Some estimates place formula feeding at $2,000 a year per infant, not including bottles, liners, nipples, etc. – more if you opt for organic. WIC programs offset these costs for those who need the financial support the most. But even formula makers recognize that there is no better substitute for the composition of breast milk and they must tweak their recipes constantly to keep up with the new discoveries of what grows the smartest brains and strongest organs. Federal surveys report that more than 70 percent of American babies are fed a powdered mix of highly processed cow’s milk whey and casein, mixed vegetable oils, lactose, and chemically manufactured multi-vitamins and minerals (and accidentally sometimes fatal substances such as melamine) before they are three months old. This despite the fact that a National Family Opinion Poll sites that 85 percent of moms rank getting their babies good nutrition at the top of their priority lists.

Guatemala, AntiguaYou don’t need me to tell you that breastfeeding is free and hygienic with no possibility of contamination of water-born illness. While this may not seem like a big deal in the Western world, companies like Nestlé continue to promote their baby formula to poor mothers in less economically developed countries. In situations where women and infants could benefit from breastfeeding the most, they are further disenfranchised from their intuitive parenting by powerful marketing campaigns. As occurred in the 1970′s, infants of mothers in developing countries were given free formula while they were in the hospital, but once they left they had to purchase their own supplies. These mothers were frequently illiterate and did not understand how to properly sterilize bottles, water, and other formula feeding supplies. Furthermore, as economically insecure women, they watered down the powder in order to make it last longer. Many babies became sick and died from complications of drinking unsanitary formula or that which did not provide enough nutrition. But the practice of giving free samples – or diaper bags stuffed full of formula schwag - has not disappeared and continues to disrupt intuitive mothering.

Industrialization and the rise of hospital births generated the surge in formula feeding. Getting ahead meant leaving behind one of our most biological functions as mammals. If you are fortunate to qualify for twelve weeks of unpaid maternity leave, you can meet half the recommended minimum of breastfeeding by the American Association of Pediatrics. After that only really devoted and typically well-informed, well supported moms are capable of continuing to breastfeed by pumping after they return to work. Even then it is unlikely they can do this for the recommended two years.

Mother and childrenAh, but we can earn our own money within the millenia old patriarchal structure and it came at a high price. We can work right after birthing our babies, keep up with our earnings, and not fall behind in our retirement benefits. Even if that means we still make less than our male counterparts on average. But, for most of us, losing financial independence is the very real consequence of choosing to feed and grow a baby as a full-time endeavor. And that is not even a real choice, but a true injustice.

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